I sat in silence.
The sky engulfed me. So did the greenery.
It was a meditative state … hearing nothing but the chirping of the birds.
The sound of the breeze in the rustling leaves.
The smell of grass.
Everything kissed by the sun.
I was at peace.
As I cocked my head to the left, I saw the freeway … glistening metal and glass edifices.
A mass of civilization. People running from Point A to Point B. Mindlessly.
Trying to make ends meet. Trying to figure out their purpose in life through their work. Trying to survive in a consumerist battlefield.
Perched up on the green folds of the mountain, I tried to blur it out.
All needs, wants, ambition, goals — vanished.
Replaced by calm.
It was so real, that it felt surreal.
And then came a flood of questions.
Why didn’t I make more time for such escapes from a life that continued to stress me?
Why have I built a life that continually demands me to be a robot?
Why can I not just leave it all behind?
Why can’t I enjoy more time with Nature?
Why can’t I just spend days wandering, reflecting, marveling?
Why do I need a routine, a structure to make sense of my existence?
Why can’t I just be?
Create my own reality.
I didn’t come back with any answers, but the questions keep nagging at me.
When I know what I really want to do, when I know what brings me contentment, when I know what makes me fulfilled…
What’s holding me back?
Is it a false sense of security?
Is it just because?
I don’t want to go down the “I don’t know” street…it never leads me to any answers, just buys me more time to muster up the courage and ultimately confront my fears.
I want to close some doors and not look back.
I want to open some doors and explore with wild abandon.
One day soon we’ll have to sit and talk it through.
I, me, and myself on a journey of self-discovery.
Also posted on Writers Rising.