A journey of self-discovery

I sat in silence.

The sky engulfed me. So did the greenery.

It was a meditative state … hearing nothing but the chirping of the birds.

The sound of the breeze in the rustling leaves.

The smell of grass.

Everything kissed by the sun.

I was at peace.

As I cocked my head to the left, I saw the freeway … glistening metal and glass edifices.

A mass of civilization. People running from Point A to Point B. Mindlessly.

Trying to make ends meet. Trying to figure out their purpose in life through their work. Trying to survive in a consumerist battlefield.

Perched up on the green folds of the mountain, I tried to blur it out.

All needs, wants, ambition, goals — vanished.

Replaced by calm.

It was so real, that it felt surreal.

And then came a flood of questions.

Why didn’t I make more time for such escapes from a life that continued to stress me?

Why have I built a life that continually demands me to be a robot?

Why can I not just leave it all behind?

Why can’t I enjoy more time with Nature?

Why can’t I just spend days wandering, reflecting, marveling?

Why do I need a routine, a structure to make sense of my existence?

Why can’t I just be?

Escape.

Create my own reality.

I didn’t come back with any answers, but the questions keep nagging at me.

When I know what I really want to do, when I know what brings me contentment, when I know what makes me fulfilled…

What’s holding me back?

Is it a false sense of security?

Is it just because?

I don’t want to go down the “I don’t know” street…it never leads me to any answers, just buys me more time to muster up the courage and ultimately confront my fears.

I want to close some doors and not look back.

I want to open some doors and explore with wild abandon.

One day soon we’ll have to sit and talk it through.

I, me, and myself on a journey of self-discovery.

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Also posted on Writers Rising.

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10 Comments

Filed under Personal

10 responses to “A journey of self-discovery

  1. Hi mansi,
    ‘What is this life, if full of care
    We have no time to stand & stare”

    So true indeed…I guess spending time with nature is one of the best ‘me time’ things to do.Rejuvenating, refreshing & not a worry…sheer bliss!
    But then, reality always beckons πŸ™‚

  2. Pingback: My haven « First Impressions

  3. Enjoy this Mansi, when I’m in nature I always feel refreshed. The questions you ask yourself are normal. I believe if you take more time to just be as you were on this day….they will come to you. Many times it takes practice to hear that quiet internal voice that leads us to the next stage of our life. The answers will come!!

    Hugs,

    Bill

  4. Tulika

    Sounds so like me, Mansi. But to be honest, the ideal is to find a balance. Too much of serenity would bog me just as too much of routine would! πŸ™‚

  5. Shachi

    Wonderful thought-provoking post. Such questions come to my mind everyday and sometimes I get answers, sometimes I keep searching. I can’t leave everything behind – for example my work, coz even though I may hate it at times, it does pay my bills and also supports my family. I definitely don’t see it as a false sense of security :).

    However, we must make more time to spend with nature, and just be free – from the routine, stress, worry, etc….on a regular basis.

    The pictures are beautiful – I hiked mission peak last year this time….everything was so green….and I absolutely love beaches as well.

    • Thanks, Shachi. These views are from Ed Levin Park…close to Mission Peak. I just love that area this time of year…
      And yes, you’re right, bills must be paid and families tended to. Aah the shackles we bind ourselves in.

  6. Mansi:

    I absolutely liked the second picture. Could write a post on that alone. Splendid!

    We all have our surreal moments. The challenge lies in making our everyday life surreal.

    Joy and peace,
    Susan

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